"Once upon a Train"

[ezdays]

...if he had a match. Seems as if the boys were making a creme brulee and had to light the blowtorch that Emeril loaned them. Now Martha was not one to be upstaged, when she heard that someone was doing a creme brulee, she immediately got up and told the cameraman to focus on her, since she was a star and had the ultimate recipe. Now Emeril, also a star in his own rights, was getting upset. He turned to Martha, who still had custard pie dripping from her nose, and just as he went BAM!, BAM!!!, the...

 

[N Gauger]

........train switched tracks... throwing anyone who wasn't holding on... (And that was nobody) Into each other & against the left wall of the car.... There was Stooges & Martha Emeril, Carmen, the sherrifs & everyone else - all over each other.... The cameraman captured all this in beautiful "Technicolor"

As the train straightened out, going a bit faster.. all the people kind of got their sea legs back and...................

 

[ezdays]

..they started to wonder why there was a siding way out here in the Baja desert. "What!", said the engineer, "by my calculations, using GPS, I had determined that we were now approaching New Orleans. Why, there's Catfish Bates and his Rollin' Rascals dixieland band there on the station platform to greet us in true New Orleans style."

"Is there a doctor on board?", one of the passengers yelled. "I think the engineer is delusional." To start with, his GPS system is really just a Capt. Midnight compass, and secondly, that's not Catfish Bate's band there on the platform, that's none other than...

 

[Pitchwife]

...Country Joe & the Fish! So of course everybody had to do "The Fish Cheer" which.....

 

[ezdays]

...was so complexed that by the time they were finished, they were already in Baton Rouge. "Ahh", said Curly, "hushpuppies, BBQ shrimp and Oyster Rockerfeller, mmmm, good eats." Little did they know that Oyster Rockefeller was named after the guy that owned the railroad, and was traveling incognito in the passenger car so he could check on the efficency and friendlness of the staff. Not pleased one bit, he immediatly fired the whole train crew, conductor, engineer, fireman and even the cook. He then turned to the three stooges and said....

 

[N Gauger]

"Youze guys know what???!! You're the new train crew!!!"......

Moe replied - "But we dont know how to run an engine"

The Railroad owner said - "The job pays - 50 cents an hour - each!"

Moe said - "You guys hear that! Get up there & run the train!!!!!!"

So off they went - The train actually started running - through Baton Rouge... then something caught Curly's eye.........

 

[yellowlynn]

crew

........stopped running and started loping, then trotting, and finally got down to an amble. Then whatever had caught his eye turned loose. When it popped back it slappedc him so hard he turned sommersalts and landed on................

Lynn

 

[ezdays]

...John D. himself, who was not amused at this time seeing as how he had a railroad to run. "Just so there's no more shannanigans, I've hired a very strict taskmaster to head this crew," said John, "I want you all to meet Sgt. Bilko."

"OK yuz guzs, get this one thing straight," shouted Bilko, as the Stooges continued to do as they pleased, never even hearing the next order. "Tum-dee-dum, dee-dum" as they worked to keep the train on the tracks and in the right direction. Then in unision came a big, "OOOPPPS,...

 

[Pitchwife]

They had neglected to release the brakes and now every car on the train had wheels with a flat spot on them. They released the brakes and started up again, however with the flat spot on every wheel the passengers were in for a very rough ride. Then Larry sproings up with a light bulb floating a few inches above his head. "I've got the perfect solution, we'll.....

 

[N Gauger]

... have to go real fast - you know when you go real fast - you dont feel the bumps as mucH!!
Bilko said - What are ya crazy?!?! Theis thing cant get out of it's own way!!!

John D - reached up & turned a valve & quietly said. "try it now boys".......

The train lurched forward...............

 

[ezdays]

...first slowly, then faster, then even more faster. However, the faster they went, the more sparks flew from the wheels. This upset John D. since those were his wheels that were now grinding on his tracks, and he says, "I didn't make millions by buying new wheels." No, John was aware that in the next county there was an old prospector that made wheels in his spare time, and at a fraction the cost then at the foundry. They just had to make it to the next county with flat wheels. Bilko in the meantime, was taking bets on how far the train would go in that condition.

"AHAH" came an unfiamiliar voice in the back....

 

[Virginian]

"Would someone kindly tell me... HOW DO I GET
OFF THIS CRAZY TRAIN??!!!"

 

[ezdays]

Wow! looks like this train has gone full circle. We seem to be back where we started over five years ago. Glad to have you back on board Virginian, stick around a bit longer this time. This train has to keep rolling, even after arriving once more to our original departure point...

...As we pick up more passengers, including Virginian, we seem to be heading on a smooth course to our next stop. New wheels were installed, Martha, the Chef and Emeril all got the kitchen cleaned up, the bar is now fully stocked and The Stooges have gotten a real handle on how to run the train. Unfortunately, they unscrewed the handle and now are examining it in the baggage car while the train chuggs on. "Wadda we do with this?", says Curly. "I'll show you watt." says Moe as he...

 

[ausien]

bounces it off Curlys bonce, git it back to the engine and...

 

[N Gauger]

Put this back where you found it!!!! Of course, Curly couldn't remember where he found it.. so he just stuck it..............

 

[ausien]

in his back pocket, and started to pull....

 

[ezdays]

..on the rope that was dangling from the top of the car. The rope snapped at Curly and as expected, Curly snapped back, scaring the rope and causing it to coil up, which of course, turned out to be a desert diamondback rattler. As the snake rattled, the Stooges started to dance to the beat. Virginian stood up and said, "I've had just about enough of this, I didn't start this thread to wind up watching you three dance." Well, in true Stooge fashion, they all grabbed a partner and now...

 

[Pitchwife]

...started doing their version of the Tango, which is about as far from the ral Tango as you can get. "This is no way to run a railroad!" bellowed John D. "Has anyone even asked the new passengers for their tickets?" Well, of course no one had because that involves paperwork and the Stooges know less about paperwork than they do about the tango. "You're all fired!" yelled John D. "now, who can I get to run this train? I know! I'll use.....

 

[Papa Bear]

...robots! You don't have to pay them; they're not always hounding you for time off; and you can forget all those union rules. Yeah, robots. That's the ticket!" A smile crept across his face as visions of cutting overhead danced through his head. While the bottom line was John D's specialty, punching things was Curly's. Even though he had already been fired, Curly was quite intrigued with the prospect of punching tickets. "Ticket? Did somebody say ticket?" he asked. Despite the enthusiasm, Curly had not quite grasped the concept of punching a ticket. So he reached out and instead punched...

 

[N Gauger]

.. the "ticket Owner" - which err who in this case was - Martha!! (Remember Martha) SHe stood up & fired a right cross to curly "I learned this ilast year!!!"

Curly was out like a light.. Moe... seeing this yelled - HEY!! You Can't Do that!!!

Martha replied.. and Why Not??!?!?!?