Callahan's - Calling all Punsters!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Lounge' started by Cybergrinder, Jul 23, 2015.

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  1. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    LOL, thanks to Afrikaans I could read that :) That adds new meaning to going Dutch!
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  2. Revell-Fan

    Revell-Fan Co-Administrator Administrator Moderator

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    ROFL!
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  3. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Over the weekend I had to go to a funeral. Dead boring actually. I had a coffin fit, I couldn't bear it. I felt so bad that it was such a grave situation. I was feeling hearse when I got my breath back , I was a palled at the turn out though. It was touching, The late person (then the car finally got there) was yards out of location, they nearly delivered a copse in the woods!
  4. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    I had an IPod problem!
    I fixed it, this is how!
    I named the thing "Titanic",
    by God, it's "syncing" now!

    I was wondering where the sun goes?
    I stayed up all night to see!
    Sure enough, next morning,
    it finally "dawned" on me!

    I'm an avid reader.
    I read anything around.
    I read an "anti-gravity" book,
    and I couldn't put it "down"!

    I know some real bad food jokes,
    but let me tell you first!
    The one about German sausage,
    brother, that's the "wurst"!

    There are several types of illness,
    that leave you sore and weak!
    But, when your bladder is infected,
    "urine" trouble, so to speak!

    I was sorta down and out!
    Times were hard, you know?
    So, I got a job in a bakery,
    because I "kneaded" dough!
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  5. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Words cannot describe the pain....

    Rebuttal - bottom of the thread.

    The story of Mary Poppins as a nanny is well known. Less well-known is her subsequent tale....

    She traveled to Hollywood, where she opened a shop on Sunset Boulevard as a fortune-teller. Of course we already know she has supernatural powers, so it's no surprise that she was quite skilled in fortune-telling, and her reputation grew rapidly.

    She continued to tell fortunes, and found that in particular, she always received a very strong premonition whenever someone was about to have an onset of bad breath. Her predictions of this turned out to be accurate 100% of the time. In order to publicise her success at this, she had a large sign placed above her door, which read: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
  6. Revell-Fan

    Revell-Fan Co-Administrator Administrator Moderator

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    Yesterday I was so hungry that I ate all the dates of my calendar. The Sundaes were the best..! ;)
  7. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    Last night, I dreamt I was eating Marshmallows .......
    This morning, I couldn't find my pillow anywhere .........
  8. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    That's not a pun....

    Here's a wuff one; to leaf you barking up the wrong tree....

    Branch onto a different topic!
  9. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    Tree bien! You got to the root of the problem.
    I'll leave now. Sometimes I can't cedar forest for the trees.
    But when that tree packs it's trunk and lumbers off, and I'm going out on a limb here, it will be a grass roots movement.
  10. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Ah, I twig onto what you're saying. I knew this oak, who wasn't very poplar. He was mould and vernerable. He lived in the yeast but was really quite a fungi.
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  11. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    I heard he had a very small house; There isn't mushroom in it...
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  12. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    But he has a spore room available :)
  13. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    Problem is, he likes talking behind your back. He is a shiitake.
    But, just tell him to put a cap on it, and stop stalking you.....
  14. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Now, stop toadying up to my stool, you might find de-feat upon it
  15. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    Your stool ??????? I wouldn't touch that with a 10' tadpole!
    But, if it ended up drowning with the goldfish, it would be a floater in the bowl.
    These situations can leave a smear on your 'sole .........
    If we sit and strain a while, we can drop the load off our shoulders and feel the relief, and finally the satisfaction of getting the paperwork properly done. :mooner: ;)

    Shees, what a crappy subject .......
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  16. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    This topic went down the drain...I'm feeling quite flushed as it didn't pan out the way I expected. Cistern response there Dan.
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  17. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    Well, let's plop it right here then.
    As you said, the subject is rather flatulent in nature anyway.
    A bit like pissing in the wind.!
    And I would not like a flake in my curly-wurly either!
    So, lets wipe it all clean and start another movement......
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  18. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Problem with pissing in the wind - it blows back....:Smartass::hammerhead:

    let us bowel a maiden over with a new field of play....

    Yes, that crazy, irrational, pointless game invented by the English (as national joke, the rest of the world hasn't caught it yet...) Yes, Cricket! Jolly good, eh, what?

    After all that, I'm stumped.

    No really, couldn't bat an eyelid.

    Wicket way to turn? I'm all spun around, I can't pace it!
  19. DanBKing

    DanBKing Dan the Man

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    I'm gonna bale out of this one.....
    I think we are pushing the boundary again.
    Lets get back to the big-inning shall we.
    The crease is wide enough to not lose your slips, but you may just get your leg-by.....
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2015
  20. Cybergrinder

    Cybergrinder Member Extraordinaire

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    Now, that's a silly point. Would you like another crack at the nut? Or have you run-out of puns? :Grin:
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