You know you're a railfan when.... You shop for a house by the tracks instead of away from them! When planning your next vacation, you choose your travel route based upon the location of active railroads and railroad museums. When you blow your horn two longs, a short, and a long through every intersection. Speaking of intersections, you call the signals as you go through them. You call zoning to ask if you can use a boxcar for a shed. You wonder why automobiles don't come equipped with couplers. While engaged in intimate relations, you suddenly find yourself mentally debating the relative merits of Shay vs. rod engines. Your wife tells you her water burst, and your first reaction is, "My God, her boiler will be ruined!" When you wire up the fog lamps to flash alternately when you blow the horn. When being served dinner, you say, "Easy, easy, that'll do!" as you've gotten enough. When riding with someone who's backing into a parking space, you say, "two cars, one car, that'll do." When you get a shopping cart with a bad wheel, you tag it and set it aside for the shops to repair, or park it in an aisle and put up a blue flag in front of and behind it. You curse the dispatcher when you're held up in traffic. You're test driving a hot V6 and think, "This thing can really move in notch 8." While driving your car, you put your arm on the window sill and wave your hand and blow your horn to all kids standing on the street. Your wife opens her wallet to show the relatives photos of the children while you open your wallet to show them your latest rail photos from last weeks fan trip. You install a pedal operated bell in your car and ring it while driving across railroad crossings. You open your refrigerator door only to find it full of film for the next fan trip. You find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when you're watching old cop shows and movies on TV. The efforts of Hollywood to re-create an earlier era using trains is met with your derisive snort, "They didn't have GP40-2's in 1970! Can't they get it right?" You're on Amtrak, you find out that the guy across the isle is a railfan, and your wives look at each other, roll their eyes and sigh. You're in your car and you come up to a railroad crossing. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train. You are on a rail facility tour and start talking to one of the mechanics on the shop floor only to find out that you know more than he does. You rent certain movies at the video store because you know there is a very cool train scene in it. You refuse to cross the tracks until your favorite train has passed. You barbuque using tie butts, for that special flavor! You tell your wife you are going down to the corner bar to have a few drinks with the guys, however, you go to your favorite train watching spot to take a few photos. You are on a highway overpass, at 60 mph you suddenly shout," that's the Seaboard down there!", and you can't believe the others in the car didn't recognize it by the color of the ballast. You tell your wife you would like take a nice ride to look at scenery, her interpretation being,"guess I'll take some magazines to look at while he looks at the scenery in the rail yard." You can't understand why everyone else doesn't understand what "approach diverging" means. It would not be to your advantage for the railroad police to come to your house and look around. You get tired of explaining to people that you are not a fireman because you have a radio. Your relatives only think of you when they see a train. When you are out by the tracks with another railfan people ask, "is the train coming?" You get irritated whenever a train wrecks because nonrailfans "invade" your special train watching spots. You don't like imitation railfans who wear railroad patches all over their clothing. The train crews know you by first name. When you're driving, you make "shooooo" sounds when you step on the brake, and "choooo" sounds when you take your foot off of it, imitating air brakes. At your house by the tracks you get some of the crews trained to blow the crossing alert to let you know they are going by, even though there is no crossing there. You date your girlfriend because the view out the front window of her apartment is your favorite railroads mainline. You later marry this woman knowing that she will understand you and won't mind that house by the tracks. You build your 1 year old a jungle gym / fort in the backyard so they can play on it when you really intend to use it to get a better view of the trains over the back fence. You size said fort large enough so that you and three of your friends have sufficient room to watch the trains. When the lights are activated at the railroad crossing you race to be first in line, so you get an unobstructed view, then at double track crossings wait a little while after they go up in hopes that another train is coming the other way. You don't buy the groceries until you have repeated the list back to your wife, and she says "Made complete at 1642 JNC" At McDonalds' drive-thru windows you expect them to hoop up your order on the fly (and you've installed a hook on your car window to snag the order) You call "clear of the main" whenever you enter a freeway off-ramp. After parking your car you remove the gearshift lever and lock it in the glove compartment. You car phone your wife for yarding instructions before pulling into the driveway. At gas stations you climb out the cab window and up over the back of the truck to get to the gas cap.