The 12 days of Christmas

shamus

Registered Member
I know it's not quite Christmas but,

14th December 1st Day

Dearest Darling John

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pair tree!
What a wonderful delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the lovely thought.
Your ever loving Agnes

15th December 2nd Day

My Dearest John

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Two turtle doves, I am delighted with them and they are adorable.
All my love Agnes

16th December 3rd Day

Dearest John

Oh! How extravagant you are, I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity. Three French hens, your too kind.
Your ever loving Agnes

17th December 4th Day

Dear John
What can I say, Four beautiful calling birds arrived today, you are most thoughtful.
Love Agnes

18th December 5th Day

My Dearest John

What a surprise, the postman delivered Five gold rings, one for each finger. You really are impossible boy but I love you. Frankly, all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.
Your Ever loving Agnes

19th December 6th Day

Dear John

When I opened the door this morning there were actually six bloody great geese laying eggs all over the front doorstep. What on earth do you think I can do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to smell them and I can’t sleep.
Cordially yours Agnes





20th December 7th Day

JOHN
What is it with you and these sodding birds ? Now I’ve got Seven Swans a swanning. Is this some sort of Joke. The house is full of bird crap, and the racket…………….. Stop sending me birds
Yours Agnes

21st December 8th Day

OK Buster

I think I prefer the birds, what the hell am I going to do with eight maids a milking. It’s not enough with all these birds now I’ve got cows crapping all over the house and mooing all night
LAYOFF! Agnes

22nd December 9th Day

Look Craphead

Are you some kind of nut????? Now I have nine pipers playing, and Christ do they play! When they aren’t playing their blasted pipes they keep chasing the maids through the cow Platt. The cows keep on mooing and treading all over the bloody birds and the neighbours are threatening to have me evicted.
GET KNOTTED Agnes

23rd December 10th Day

You rotten bastard.

Now we have Ten ladies dancing How on earth can you call these whores “ladies” is beyond me. They’re pulling the pipers all night long, the cows can’t sleep and have now got diarrhoea, my living room is a sea of crap.
SOD OFF Agnes

24th December 11th Day

Listen crap face

What with ELEVEN lords a-leaping all over the maids, the pipers are fighting the lords for the crumpet, and also committing sodomy with the cows. The birds are dead and rotting and stinking the place to hell having been trampled during the orgy. I hope your satisfied.
SWINE Agnes

25th December 12th Day

You Stinking lousy PIG.

Twelve drummers drumming have teamed up with the pipers in making one hell of a racket. Both lots have been at the lords, and who knows what’s happened to the milk maids - they’ve probably drowned in the cow dung by now. The only way I have saved myself from getting screwed to death was to hide in the pair tree which had been fertilised and has shot through the roof.
I send you seasonal greetings………….
Agnes

Shamus
wink.gif


 

interurban

Active Member
25day

Hi shamus you dog you,

Ruddy wet me pants so i did.

Hope you dont mind but this is going world wide on the web

Merry Christmas.
Chris
 
the 12 days AFTER

On the first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight. So, I chopped the pear tree down and I burned it, just for spite. And with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge, my true love my true love my true love sent to me.

On the second day after Christmas, I donned my old rubber gloves, and very gently wrung the necks of both the turtledoves.

On the third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup; I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup.

The four calling birds were a big mistake. Their language was obscene. The five golden rings were fake! They turned my fingers green.

On the sixth day after Christmas, my six laying geese wouldn’t lay; I sent the whole damn bunch to the ASPCA!

On the seventh day after Christmas, what a mess I found… All my swimming swans had drowned.

On the eighth day after Christmas before anyone could suspect, I bundled up the rest and sent them back.

Collect!

I wrote my true love: “We are through love.” And said in so many words…

All your stupid gifts were for the four calling birds, three French hens two turtledoves and the partridge in the pear tree.
 

60103

Pooh Bah
Movie version

Years ago (in black and white days), every Christmas we used to see a movie/TV version of the 12 days.
You watched as the fellow brought all the gifts and the poor girls house became more and more stuffed.
Lovely scene at the end as he leads the 12 drummers and another 11 pipers down the street to a house crammed with cows and milkmaids and birds.
Anyone else remember? Any idea where it came from?
 
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