grabbed a handful of snails, much to the suprise of the snails. Now these were not ordinary snails. No sir! These were tough snails to be crawling on the sand. They were big too! The snails were all placed in front of the car. Harold dashed inside the waiting car and emerged in leather chaps and a cowbot hat. In hand he had a whip. He began to hum the Bonanza theme crack the whip of the eye stalks of the snails. The snails, terrified of the sight of Mr. Hill and being able to easily spot a fragile mind, decided to get moving. Mr. Hill expertly herded the snails up the hill toward the track. After Mr Hill guided the snails to the edge of the rail he dispersed them and ran back down the hill, or was it Hill? Anyway, you might ask what does the snail herding have to do with anything? Well, when the folks saw what the snails left behind they understood fully. The slime left by the snails was shining in the sunlight. Everyone gave a great push. As soon as the car slid up onto the slime it slid like it was on ice. Folks had to hop on the car as it slid up the hill and came to rest right in front of the rail. All hopped off and Mr Hill said we could get the car back on the rail and be on our way to River City, which means Trouble and that starts with T and rhymes with G, but we have some more immediate trouble that also starts with a T and rhymes with a G because we can't possibly....
"Once upon a Train"
- Thread starter Virginian
- Start date
... move this car, without a bit of gas (Which also startes with G) you know ?? ---- Fuel!!
This being a RDC car - we need some Diesel fuel... That's diesil, I before E and that rymes with "G & that.......
The Crowd now just sitting...... in the Out of Fuel RDC... all said in unisen "Yeah We Know!!!...
Harold Hill just looked dejected.......... until through the woods....came a noise.... Harold Scrunched his face into that "I knew this would happen" look.... as out of the trees came............
This being a RDC car - we need some Diesel fuel... That's diesil, I before E and that rymes with "G & that.......
The Crowd now just sitting...... in the Out of Fuel RDC... all said in unisen "Yeah We Know!!!...
Harold Hill just looked dejected.......... until through the woods....came a noise.... Harold Scrunched his face into that "I knew this would happen" look.... as out of the trees came............
... a brass band with only 42 trombones. harold said that he had ordered more, but apparently some got put on that flat car going the wrong way. "Oh well" he said, "we are really in a pickle here, which rhymes with T and rhymes with G." Once Harold got going, nothing would stop him. "Hey folks, we need some gas, which rhymes with T and rhymes with P, well seems as if we have a bunch of pickle juice here, why not...
Make Pickle Punch! Yes sir, pickle punch is a fine summer time treat! A load of yeast is dumped into the and let set for a couple hours in the warm sun. Then a little ice cream for the lactose intolerent and you have the finest punch available to man. Now that isn't to say that it tastes like much, but it does the job. In no time at all the pickle juice jug had been passed around and every last swig downed until it was emtpy, which rhymes with T that rhymes with G. The groan from the people wasn't mr. hills yapping, it was something brewing. Now when I saw brewing fellas, I mean BREWING. That pickle punch that had warmed in the sun and been drank until it was dun was working. Shortly thereafter everyone got ready. The first shot was a little affair. The next one nearly knocked everyone over. Soon 7 more rumblings could be heard and the folks backed up against the car. The force of what happened next registered on the reichter scale. It was phenominal. The foce of the folks backed up tight against the car and the force of the yeast and lactic acid blew the car upward. Now here is where Mr. Hill got to save the day. Since he had not inbibed he was free from the flatulance. He watched for the car to start to go and adjusted the trucks through the air. When it landed it was on the rails. A quick nudge of the mega pickle juice punch gas had them at the fuel station. Unfortunately, they didn't wait long enough. The pickle punch was still in full force. About the time Mr. Hill noticed the trouble and started to say we are headed for trouble which starts with a T and rhymes with G, everything got quite and then it happened...
...yes folks, with all that work getting that engine on the tracks, Paul, the one with the best view, said, "hey, this track don't go nowhere." Uh, oh, Peter looked up and they saw it, in big bold letter as sign, "Los Angeles County Railroad Park." Oh my, they were really only at a prototypical-sized layout. "What now?" could be heard above the roar of the crowd, "Fear not" says Paul, "this track is simply prototypical flex-track, just a little bend here and...
................get you to where you are going... Harold Hill was amazed, he profusly and profoundly pan..err Thanked Pau!!!!! 
Then they started to get the car full of pickle juice moving down the track... Then... someone (Probably The RR President) said.. Uhh Hill??? HILL???
Where exactly WERE we headed??? Do you have the foggiest???
Harold scrunched his face again and said.... No, I have no ida... The people on the train started trying to reason it out - they all started talking at once - Until a single voice was heard... We were ................
Then they started to get the car full of pickle juice moving down the track... Then... someone (Probably The RR President) said.. Uhh Hill??? HILL???
Where exactly WERE we headed??? Do you have the foggiest???
Harold scrunched his face again and said.... No, I have no ida... The people on the train started trying to reason it out - they all started talking at once - Until a single voice was heard... We were ................
...L-L-L-O-O-S-T!!!!!!!... Yep folks, not only didn't they know where they were, but hadn't a notion where they were headed. Oh my, oh my, what to do now. "Let's ask the engineer," said one. "Maybe the conductor has a clue," said another. "Conductor? Engineer? Not a chance, they left hours ago, something about a pay dispute", said Harold. "We need to start paying these guys, and I know just who....
to write! WHO TO WRITE??? shouted everyone. We don't have time for that! Peter, Paul, and Mary have to get to the recording studio before the letter has time to even be delivered!!!! Mr. Hill sat down and thought again. You could smell the grease on his gears getting hot. Just when they all thought his head was going to catch on fire he yelled AHA!!!! We'll call Santa and have him send cash as an early Christmas present!!! The engineer and conductor won't know it is an early present, and by the time they figure it out we won't care.
Mr. Hill was a bit under handed, but soon had Santa agreeing to pay the wages. Within a couple of hours the crew had reassembled. Everyone just stood around looking at each other. Finally, the engineer asked....."Where were we going again?????" The conductor hastily snapped back "RIVER CITY!!! And we are LATE!!!". So everyone quickly boarded the train and they were underway.
Now the story could end right here, and all would be well. It just may have done that had Mr. Hill not been so under handed about getting the crew paid. In the time that it took them to get things moving Santa had realized the deception he had taken part in. I know that most folks think of Santa as the jolly old elf in the red suit that is kind and gentle....but let me tell you, the man has connections. Those lumps of coal he also delivers are from a sister organization. This organization isn't the one you want to see. Santa uses them for especially difficult problems when he can't let his reputation be tarnished by the task at hand. That is exactly who was called. Santa spent about 10 minutes on the phone and as he hung up Big Tony the Elf told him everything will be taken care of.
The train was speeding along nicely when Big Tony the Elf showed up to take care of things with his...
Mr. Hill was a bit under handed, but soon had Santa agreeing to pay the wages. Within a couple of hours the crew had reassembled. Everyone just stood around looking at each other. Finally, the engineer asked....."Where were we going again?????" The conductor hastily snapped back "RIVER CITY!!! And we are LATE!!!". So everyone quickly boarded the train and they were underway.
Now the story could end right here, and all would be well. It just may have done that had Mr. Hill not been so under handed about getting the crew paid. In the time that it took them to get things moving Santa had realized the deception he had taken part in. I know that most folks think of Santa as the jolly old elf in the red suit that is kind and gentle....but let me tell you, the man has connections. Those lumps of coal he also delivers are from a sister organization. This organization isn't the one you want to see. Santa uses them for especially difficult problems when he can't let his reputation be tarnished by the task at hand. That is exactly who was called. Santa spent about 10 minutes on the phone and as he hung up Big Tony the Elf told him everything will be taken care of.
The train was speeding along nicely when Big Tony the Elf showed up to take care of things with his...
3 henchmen...Larry, Moe & Curly..... They proceeded to try to straighten out this "Pay schedule problem" - but Curly pulled out his Train Schedule.. (For a completly different railroad) ..and said
Ohhh Look!! We're late!!! Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!
That's all the crew needed to hear & the train was heading down the tracks faster & faster... gaining speed - faster ..... With Big Tony and the stooges and the Cowardly lion........ Going at a good clip toward.......
Ohhh Look!! We're late!!! Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!
That's all the crew needed to hear & the train was heading down the tracks faster & faster... gaining speed - faster ..... With Big Tony and the stooges and the Cowardly lion........ Going at a good clip toward.......
..until... scr-e-e-e-e-t-t-t-h-h-h. "Who pulled the emergency cord?" Says Harold Hill, who though he was still in charge. "Not me." Not me either" Surly it wasn't I," says Shemp (where'd he come from, eh?), "I was just hanging up my laundry to dry on this indoor clothes line. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!"
"Dumbells, all of you, now we'll have to...
"Dumbells, all of you, now we'll have to...
Find another way to dry these wet cloths
Larry: We'll haev to find a heat sourse
Moe: where we going to find a heat source on a steam train...
All 3: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! ! (Nod in agreement & take the clothes & head toward the front of the train........ only to find......
Larry: We'll haev to find a heat sourse
Moe: where we going to find a heat source on a steam train...
All 3: ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! ! (Nod in agreement & take the clothes & head toward the front of the train........ only to find......
...the train was going in reverse and they were headed for the club car instead of the engine. When they get there, they see there is no engine, yet the train is moving. Moe is sure someone stole the engine. He gets the boys heads together and says "I have a foolproof plan to find out where the engine is. All we need to do is...
Call the FBI !!!
You, know.. Flannigan, Brannigan & Iscovitch,.. Detectives!!!!
The'll help us find it..
(All 4 together) For Duty & Humanity!!!!!
They split up & run looking for a phone....but this being a train in the "early days" - they are kind of hard to find.... Shemp looks in a closet only to find.....
You, know.. Flannigan, Brannigan & Iscovitch,.. Detectives!!!!
The'll help us find it..
(All 4 together) For Duty & Humanity!!!!!
They split up & run looking for a phone....but this being a train in the "early days" - they are kind of hard to find.... Shemp looks in a closet only to find.....
..their hats. Yep, the boys never wore hats unless they were on special assignment and this was not one of those times. The reason they never wore any was that they could never find them. "Hey fellas, over here" yelled Shemp. "Euuuu" said Curly as he ran into Moe and Larry. "Hey!!!! Let's put these hats on and see if they don't help us think better." "Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, maybe we can find a phone, maybe we an find the engine...", but as they reached for the hats...
train
the car made a sudden lurch, sending them against the overhead storage. It was so hard that even their heads couldn't take it. After a few moments Larry sat up and said "pie are square". Curly shook his head a bit and said "E equals emcee squared". This was too much for poor Moe, and he started speaking Greek. They suddenly stopped, looked at each other in horror, and.............................
Lynn
the car made a sudden lurch, sending them against the overhead storage. It was so hard that even their heads couldn't take it. After a few moments Larry sat up and said "pie are square". Curly shook his head a bit and said "E equals emcee squared". This was too much for poor Moe, and he started speaking Greek. They suddenly stopped, looked at each other in horror, and.............................
Lynn
..realized they were missing dinner. Hooorrorrs, "you klunkheads," said Moe, "geddotta my way birdbrains". As they all ran in every directions, not knowing for sure if the train even had a dinning car. but that wasn't the worst of it, no, not all all, it seems that no one was paying attention to...
the engine! The automatic stoker was shoveling coal and full tilt. The blower was going, the doors and dampers were wide open. Air and coal were mixing for a really big fire. The steam pressure was keeping the safety valves open. Unfortunately the water pumps were not on. Mr. Hill finally found the engine who now had no engineer. Him and the conductor were in the dinning car having some tea. Mr. Hill had arrived just in time for the engine to...
...s-l-l-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-w down and come to a stop just as they were about to the top of "old 10% grade". Yep, nowhere else in the world was there such a thing as a !0% grade but here, where the lowest bidder was suppose to build a tunnel, but saved a few bucks by going up rather than through. Suddenly, the train started to creep in the other direction heading back to whence they came. "Lunkheads," said Moe, "I know how to take care of this," as he reached for the...
.................Brake wheel on the end car.. he gave it a turn....and nothing happened....
Hey you!! Lunkhead.... gimmme a hand!!... Curly looked at his left hand....Shemp looked at his Right Hand.... Larry held up both hands....and Moe smacked him!! Over here!! On the wheel!!!
They all tugged .... and tugged....and pulled...... and the wheel CAME OFF!!!!! ....the train rolled faster down the grade...
Moe shrieked!! THIS THREAD IS 4 YEARS OLD TODAY!!! The Train Is rolling Faster ..
Larry Screamed.. Dont look now!!!!!...... but we're about to..................................
Hey you!! Lunkhead.... gimmme a hand!!... Curly looked at his left hand....Shemp looked at his Right Hand.... Larry held up both hands....and Moe smacked him!! Over here!! On the wheel!!!
They all tugged .... and tugged....and pulled...... and the wheel CAME OFF!!!!! ....the train rolled faster down the grade...
Moe shrieked!! THIS THREAD IS 4 YEARS OLD TODAY!!! The Train Is rolling Faster ..
Larry Screamed.. Dont look now!!!!!...... but we're about to..................................