I am so hosed right now....

[McFortner]

I need to get this off my chest, so if you don't want to hear real-life, depressing things, stop reading now. I am not kidding here.

Ok, if you are still there, you've been warned.

I have some medical problems that are giving me trouble at work. I have depression and panic attacks that have been very bad lately. Not to mention my under active thyroid (hypothridic if I can spell it right) that adds to my depression.

Anyway, I am on medication for all three conditions, but lately it hasn't been helping as much as I would like. I am having problems with my metal focus, attention span, and controlling my outbursts. I am a 911 dispatcher, and while I've never given any problems to callers of officers on the radio, it is when I say "interesting" things when the mike is not keyed up and I am having problems emotionally that is getting me in problem.

It looks like after 5 1/2 years of employment with the county, the bosses may be considering firing me because of this. Needless to say, this is not helping my situation any. Even though I've tried to explain that this is part of my medical condition, they are not wanting to listen or beleive me. I've tried applying for other positions in the county, but to no avail.

So to make a long story short, I am in one major funk right now. I had to come home this morning because I was shaking so bad, and my direct supervisor advised me that there are people who are trying to get me axed because of all of this. Needless to say, this did not do wonders for my wife when I told her.

I have no idea what to do next. To be honest, I feel like it might be easier to just walk in front of a fast moving train....

I hate my life right now.

Michael

 

[Dave Flinn]

Michael, you have friends here. Just sit back, try to relax and look at things as realisticaly as possible. It sounds like, with your medication, you should be able to bring things under control. If not, maybe you need a nes doctor. In any case, don't give up. Something good will come along, sooner or later.

 

[MasonJar]

Michael,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I too think that you should be able to get this under control with the help of some good medical people. Your boss should also be a bit more understanding - maybe the doc's can help with that (in Canada at least, police services are public sector jobs and have safeguards to ensure that employees are treated fairly and are accomodated during difficult periods). Do you have an employee assistance program?

Hope you are able to find good people to help you...

Andrew

 

[Tileguy]

Michael, I'm there for ya buddy, Anytime!!!
Its good to see you here where youve many friends.

Remember, " This too will pass" and it will, believe me!!

I still gaze in awe when i look at the Picture I have of your clock. Its been an inspiration to me more than once .

 

[ezdays]

You have many friends here that are willing to listen and help however they can. We cannot give you the attention you need, only a professional with face-to-face contact can do that. We can however, give you the support you need to get through this. I'm sure you understand that your situation is by no means hopeless and beyond repair. You have to spend time with as many professionals as necessary to get to the source of these problems. If the doctors that are taking care of you aren't working out, find new ones. If your meds aren't doing the job, find out why and get someone that knows what you need. It is a known fact that the holiday season generates more cases of depression than any other time of the year. For your sake and your families sake, you can't give up. I can understand your superiors at work not wanting to take the risk bearing in mind the type of work you do, but with the proper medical and emotional guidence, they should be willing to put you in another position until they are assured you are doing better.

Good luck, and keep in touch, we care....

 

[Drew1125]

Hey Michael...hang in there, bro...

I can relate to your predicament...(my condition is different than yours...I have a visual impairment...I can no longer read printed text, & I had to stop driving about a year ago...)
I have had to give up one job, & now I'm faced with losing another one because of my physical handicap...

You say you work for a county/municipal gov't...?
Do you have the option of applying for disability retirement, or a leave of absense?
As a handicapped employee of the federal gov't, I'm very familiar with my options in this regard...I also know that state & local gov't employees here in KY have similar options...
Also, most agencies have some type of EAP (employee assistance program) that can provide counseling, & can act as a liason between you & any supv. /managers that you may be having problems with...And they can point out what your options you may, or may not have...

Good luck to you, my friend!

 

[Russ Bellinis]

Hang in there Micheal, I really can't add anything to what has been said already, except to agrre with all of those who have suggested medical help and counseling. It is a violation of federal law to discriminate against a preson because of a handicap. You just need to keep doing your part in getting whatever help is needed to get things under control, and talk to your human resources personel about your situation. Above all, don't give up.

 

[TrainClown]

All is not lost.

Things happen for a reason. When one door closes, another one opens up. Perhaps it's the job causing a lot of these problems.

Hang in there and go with the flow. Take some time to get yourself better. I know what it's like to be afraid of a life change, but this is part of life. Things will be good again.

Never give up!

TrainClown

 

[interurban]

Hi Michael, you are going through the wars right now mate.

No way should anybody be threatened with job loss because of a sudden medical problem , I don`t think that would happen here in Canada .
We have all sorts of programs to help the employee.
That however is no help to you right now.

As Andrew suggested get your medical history documented by the Main doctors, You may then get light duties untill your Meds help or are changed.

You Will be in our thoughts and Prayers Michael.

 

[N Gauger]

Michael. I was going to write about the same as Trainclown.... You never know - your Thyroid may be compaunding the problems that your job is creating and you don't know it. Seek professional help like an employee assistance program. Believe me - we've had a few stressed out people wheer I work and it really helps.

Otherwise seek other professional help and remember - we' all here for you too!

 

[Catt]

Hey Michael,as you can see you have many friends here.We are all pulling for you buddy.

Mike,if you need to vent to someone drop me a PM .I'll listen anytime.

Just remember, GOD loves ALL of his children.

 

[Clerk]

Michael. As everybody said, Hang in there,
In the 50's I had a nervious break down on the job. My boss tried to fire me. I went to my doctor and he called my boss and explained to him what would happen to him if he did fire me. I was off work for 3 months as I gradually healed. When I came back to work, everybody was real nice except the boss. He kept looking for reasons to fire me.
Several of my fellow empoyees went to his boss and explained the situatison. My boss ended up getting fired.

 

[MilesWestern]

Please don't worry Micheal,

Although you're going through incerdibly tough times, just remember, that eventually everything will be fine, we'll be here to comfort you.

 

[liven_letdie]

Michael,

I myself have gone through bouts of depression and anxiety, albeit not to the extent of your situation. I kept focused on my trains, the things that I could control, and everything worked out for me. I really urge you to get a second opinion on your situation whether it be through an EAP program, through a mental health clinic(these are usually county run programs seperate from a hospital), or even a traditional doctor outside your county perhaps. Any of these may be covered by workers compensation depending upon the situation. A coworker of mine was recently put on leave for 3 months due to high blood pressure that was thought to have been connected with his job. Sometimes a little time off is all you need. Especially working for the County I would expect that there is some body out there willing to help you out. As someone else suggested perhaps a change in medication is in order. With the new discoveries going on there could be a new medicine out now that wasn't out then that would be better for you. Most importantly don't lose hope! There are too many models in need of building in the world for us to lose a modeler! Hope this helps,

Cory in Turlock

 

[emt49]

Michael i am also a E.M.D.Dispatcher so i know the stress that comes with the job and what it can be like at times . hang in there man jumping in front of a train my solve your problems but it put's more on your famley,friends and other's.

As bad as it seems it will get better it may not be as fast as you would like but it will happen. talk to your doc and see what help he can do for you maybe up you'r dose and get him to wright you a letter for you'r job . maybe ask him to give you a few days off of work. maybe the time off will help and lower your stress. if theres written proof from your doc they will have a hard time fireing you and you could probly take legal action.

and best advice i think i can give you is be with the people you love the ones that make you feal good weather it's friends or famley.

and keep telling your self thing will get better :thumb:

 

[belg]

Mike, I would not wait for things to progress in a negative way, request a leave of absence and consult an atterney to see if you could medical compensation and have him stand by in case you get fired because of it. Pat

 

[Ralph]

Sorry to hear about your hard times. Seems to me that you may have some recourse under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I don't believe you can be fired for perfomance related to a medical condition as long as you seek treatment. Your employer may be oblliged to make reasonable accomodations such as leave of absence, reduced schedule, etc. Good question for a lawyer with knowlege of employment regulations.
Best wishes for happier, healthier times,
Ralph

 

[GeorgeHO]

Mike, I used to work on acomputer support help desk with hundreds of online "dumb" users (that was our shop jargon for "end user"). After years of having to explain problems as to why the system wasn't working I had to get away. I had received bonuses and awards for my work, but eventually I was taking on the problems myself, they were becoming a part of ME. I left for another job, and that was a good thing I did. I think the job may be getting to you, and sometimes you cannot see the forest for the trees, because you are standing in the middle of the mess and its so consuming that you cannot see the full scope of it.

GET ANOTHER JOB, even if it is not a good as your present job. DO NOT WAIT TO GET FIRED. If you do, that will always be a mark against your carreer.

If you do get fired, get a good LAWYER, one who will send you to the right psychiatrists and doctors to win your case for wrongful termination.

 

[cidchase]

Hi Michael,
I think George has a real good suggestion in finding another place to land
if it becomes necessary.

I would also suggest:

1. Talk to a second psychiatrist about your meds. He may have a
different opinion about your particular combination. At least, make
sure your first one is aware that you feel it's not working!!

2. Get referred to a psychologist. He will get to underlying emotional
issues, if they exist. Since he can't prescribe, he won't have the
same proclivity to medication.

And do check with an attorney.

I hope everything goes better with you, keep us posted. :thumb:

 

[trainworm]

Michael

I cant sit here and guarantee that things will get better, but they most likely will. I have been as depressed as you. I actually put a shotgun in my mouth and thought really hard about pulling the trigger. but you have to stop and think of all the good things you have. you have a wife that loves you and a family that loves you. and you have all of us, even though we dont know you very well, we still care about you.

I dont know anything about your conditiopn, but I would do what the other guys have sdaid. go see another doctor and get a second opinion. you may need to have your meds changed or adjusted. and if they do try and fire you, get a lawyer.

just sit back and relax, think of all the good things in your life. take a vacation and relax for a week or two. dont worry, when you hit rock bottom, you can only go back up.