Having Computer Problems? Here's why!

Discussion in 'Getting Started' started by Rusty Stumps, Oct 30, 2002.

  1. Rusty Stumps

    Rusty Stumps Member

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    Windows '2K source code.
    /*
    TOP SECRET Microsoft\666 Code
    Project: Vancouver(tm)
    Projected release-date: Summer 2000
    */
    #include "win31.h"
    #include "win95.h"
    #include "win98.h"
    #include "evenmore.h"
    #include "oldstuff.h"
    #include "billrulz.h"
    #define INSTALL = HARD
    char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
    void main()
    {
    while(!CRASHED)
    {
    display_copyright_message();
    display_bill_rules_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    if (first_time_installation)
    {
    make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
    do_nothing_loop();
    totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
    search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
    hang_system();
    }
    write_something(anything);
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_some_stuff();
    if (still_not_crashed)
    {
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    basically_run_windows_3.1();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_nothing_loop();
    }
    }
    if (detect_cache())
    disable_cache();
    if (fast_cpu())
    {
    set_wait_states(lots);
    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
    }
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
    printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");
    if (system_ok())
    crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
    system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",
    O_CREATE);
    while(something)
    {
    sleep(5);
    get_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    act_on_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    }
    create_general_protection_fault();
  2. shamus

    shamus Registered Member

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    I can see your problem Rusty old chap, whilst you have a "While" you are missing the "Wend" :D Computers are like talking to a brick wall
    Char 100("f7f7f7f77f7f7f7f")

    Shamus
    [​IMG]
  3. Biggles

    Biggles Member

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    Computers are like talking to a brick wall.

    Much worse. At least brick walls are consistent and reliable.

    Very clever piece of programming. Wonder if it would work?:eek: :confused:
  4. spitfire

    spitfire Active Member

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    One word: Mac

    Cheers
    :p Val
  5. tomfassett

    tomfassett Member

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    Boy, being a dedicated PC user, this really made me mad!:mad: I tried to send a blistering response but my computer rebooted twice, I got 4 "blue screens of death," lost my network connection, had to reinstall the video drivers, my sound card quit working when I reinstalled the video drivers, I had to restart in safe mode, uninstall keyboard and mouse drivers, restart, reinstall PCI stearing and the USB root hub, then found I had no modem, reinstalled it and now I'm ready to defend the honor of my beloved PC, which I would do but it just locked up agai..........................................................................................




    :D
  6. Casey Feedwater

    Casey Feedwater Member

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    AMEN, VAL!

    Mac.... because anything else is just another pc :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :D :D :D :D
  7. Vic

    Vic Active Member

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    Nothing bothers my Commodore 64 LOL:D :D :D :D :p
  8. John Sneed

    John Sneed Member

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    pc

    My mother board just gave birth to a litter of spam's John
  9. Wolv33

    Wolv33 Member

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    Rusty,

    What the heck are you doing with Bill Gate's laundry list??! :eek: :D :p

    Microshaft....Who do you want to do today?

    LOL!!! :D :D :D :D


    I'll be honest Mike, I considered getting a Mac one time, till I seen a returned unit at Best Buy. It was totally melted because Apple forgot to install a heat shield of some kind and a cooler. Of course, those were IMacs...

    I won't get into a debate on PC vs Mac...but Mike knows where I stand there.

    I would buy a Mac for graphics, dtp, and sound...but that is about it. I will give credit to Mac for the IEEE 1394 port though!

    Later.
  10. msh

    msh Member

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    Morning.

    You want to do high end digital recording, video editing and graphics? MAC. If I had the money (more expensive) I'd get one since I do those things as my other hobby - meaning no return on the investment.

    BUT...

    If you're NOT doing those things, stick with the PC and remain compatible with the majority of computer users.

    OR...
    Don't forget the old reliable Atari 1040 ST!! That was my first computer and for the longest time was one sweet piece of gear.

    My experience tells me that it's human nature to blame something or someone else for one's problems. To bad. Since the problems that most users experience are really their own fault because they don't R.T.F.M., or think what they've got should do everything, or they don't maintain it, or they just have no clue what they are doing, they will never really learn about what it takes to have a truly enjoyable computing experience.

    I guess it's similar to having a car that you never wash, never change the oil, and at the same time load more and more junk into it expecting it to be trouble free. Oh yeah, right. :(

    BTW - Rusty, that's funny stuff. I'll be sending to those whiz-kids in our MIS department who I guarantee will believe me when I tell them it's the real deal. :)
  11. Wolv33

    Wolv33 Member

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    Bonky,

    Speaking from a technician's point of view, I totally agree with you!

    And not to bash all Women on vehicles, but mine when I first met her was letting the oil go for a year, never getting a tune-up, never checking tires, never doing anything. Now she wonders why she has had all these problems. LOL!

    At least I keep the truck up to date. I told her, she better learn when to do those things, or she will have to get a new vehicle. Of course, we both KNOW who does those things now. ;)

    My two younger brothers are ASE auto mechanics and my Dad is a gear-head too, so even though I was the computer guy in the family, I was still expected to do all my own maintenance and know this and that. Thank Gawd for Dad enforcing that. He has even done the same with my younger sister.

    Later.
  12. jon-monon

    jon-monon Active Member

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    LOL! Val:

    One word:
    Slackware!

    Hey Vic: Yer just hung up on that old commy cuz you like that vic30 CPU! Ya know, you can spin up a Linux box outa about any old 386 + and load up the c64 emulater, then grab all those good ole games for free. It's an easier install than windoze :D :D :D

    I loved that post. Copied and pasted it into an e-mail into all the coders we have! :D :D :D

    All joking aside, I don't care what anyone runs; I just run what works best forthe situation...
  13. spitfire

    spitfire Active Member

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    Huh?

    (Restricting myself to one more word).

    Seriously though, I don't think it's so much the hardware as the software. Windoze is kind of like that "a camel = a horse designed by a committee" story. Too many coders not given the big picture, working on a tiny piece of the puzzle, writing long strings of code, which then get cobbled together like a Rube Goldberg machine. The term "bloatware" comes to mind.

    This problem is not restricted to the Windoze environment, although it started there. I have an old copy of Photoshop 1 (for the mac) which admittedly was only black and white at the time, and lacked many of the features which it has now, but that piece of software was coded so efficiently that it fit on a floppy disk and required 256 K of ram to run!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Here's a little question for you all: what part of Bill's anatomy did he name "Microsoft" after?

    Cheers
    :p Val
  14. Ravensfan

    Ravensfan Member

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    Another word:

    Linux.
  15. jon-monon

    jon-monon Active Member

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    You have to click on the underlined word to find out :D :D :D Then you can be set free from the software that your hardware was imposing on you :) romp with the penguins and be free!

    It's not anatomy, it's his favorite brand of toilet paper!
  16. Topo

    Topo Member

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    I fully subscribe that. :)


    Usually, I'm not in the "conspiracy team" but, maybe are they a relationship between Microshoot and Al-Quaeda for scre***g the occidental economy?? :confused: :rolleyes: